Keep Your Love Relationship Alive, Hot and Fun!

My book, “Love From Both Sides – A True Story of Soul Survival and Sacred Sexuality,” tells the story of my husband dying in my arms and “coming back” to chat. Now you may be wondering, and how does that relate to “Rituals for Healthy Living?”

It does, because during my own marriage, I insisted on creating lots of simple rituals. For instance, even though my husband and I were both busy, (Dan was a lawyer and I was a screenwriter), we tried to eat dinner together whenever we could. I cooked, set the table and lit candles. I insisted that we enjoy the small moments. I also insisted that we actually set aside time to “be together.” We made dates to sit on the couch, light a fire, share a glass of wine. We talked, sometimes we even read poetry. In those quiet moments, we remembered why we got married.

And if I was lucky? I got a massage from his wonderful, blacksmith hands, and then we’d make love. And taking time to make “love” a ritual, rather than something that happened at the end of an exhausting day, or worse… something that didn’t happen because we just had no energy left, kept our love alive and the sex hot!

And what was amazing? Even though Dan would sometimes make fun of my fussiness, after he died, he thanked me for insisting that we “honor” what we had together. So ladies? You’ll love my book, because I got an apology! And appreciation. Better late, than never, right?

Creating a sacred ritual of your own might help to keep your love relationship alive, hot and fun! And that in turn will help your own health. (And it might help you lose weight, because you need high levels serotonin to lose weight, and sex is an easy way to get it!) Also according to the new brain research, the more sex you have, the better your brain functions! That’s good news, yes?

So why not start thinking about fun, sexy rituals? According to a wonderful article in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, (1/25/09), what really excites women (and creates lots of beneficial chemicals in her brain) … is being desired by her lover. So maybe dance for your lover… become a goddess, and create a fun sexy ritual that will help you live a healthy life!

~ Stephanie Riseley
www.stephanieriseley.com

Stephanie is participating in the WOW! Women On Writing Blog Tour for her book Love From Both Sides – A True Story of Soul Survival and Sacred Sexuality

Shower People with Encouraging Words, Thoughts and Love!

I am going to start to send letters, post cards and small things through the mail to my grandmother. One each day. She has not been feeling well lately and I thought this would cheer her up a bit. I am thinking of doing it with other people as well so each week I will pick a new person to shower with encouraging words, thoughts, and love!

~ onefish2fish

Photo by Mr. T in DC

Blessing Others: A Practice for Opening the Heart

“Blessings” is the sign-off I use in my e-mail correspondence. It was a conscious choice to do so. I was at a stage in my life when “Sincerely” was just too cold; “Love” a bit too warm for a general farewell, especially to business associates. I had to find the one that fit me the best. “Blessings” felt just right.

E-mail is but one of the many opportunities we have to bless others. Throughout the day, we have many opportunities to offer them well wishes, both verbally and non-verbally.

It’s easy to bless the people we love, harder to confer a blessing of peace and happiness upon a prickly other. More challenging yet, if someone has hurt or betrayed us. I’ve often viewed the presence of difficult others in my life as an opportunity for me to love more; to move from hardheartedness to openheartedness, from expectation-holding to letting go, from grudge-holding to forgiveness. Blessing, in fact, may be one of the most powerful practices we can use to keep our hearts open to one another.

Go Undercover

Without them even being aware of it, we can bestow our goodwill on another. Consider the people we encounter in the course of our day, people who may appear to be “invisible.” The woman who scans our groceries at the checkout counter, the groundskeeper at our condo, the janitor at our children’s school, countless others, too many to name. What if we sent a silent, “Bless You,” as we passed them by? “Bless you for your hard work.” “Bless you for doing your job so I can live more comfortably.” “Bless you for caring for my children.” And so on.

Send a “Body Blessing”

With folks to whom we are more intimately connected, we might employ another form of blessing—a “Body Blessing.” Some of us are reluctant huggers. We give quick hugs, embracing someone out of formality or expectation with no real warmth to be found in it. What if we took this body-to-body opportunity to hug a blessing into them? As we press our cheek or shoulder to theirs, we can silently offer them a blessing of health, inner peace, or joy.

Just Say It

Sometimes the direct path of blessing is best. We need to speak our blessing aloud, face-to-face. This is difficult if we have been raised in stoic families who frown upon such outward expressions. Or, perhaps we are shy about speaking our blessings to another for fear of their response. In any case, a verbal expression of well-being or gratitude may be precisely what is needed to deepen our relationship. A whisper in the ear works wonders; an eye-to-eye confession is even better. Engaging in this way brings boundless rewards, to both the giver and the receiver.

The practice of blessing is good for what ails us. It invites us to express gratitude for the presence of others in our lives. It reminds us to see and affirm their basic goodness. Blessing is so very simple. Two little words, sincerely spoken, can change how we perceive our world. “Bless you” is all it takes ...

© Janice Lynne Lundy, 2009

Janice Lynne Lundy is participating in the WOW! Women on Writing Blog Tour, promoting her book, Your Truest Self.

Private Time with Dad

My son Isaac taught me a form of ritual. When he was about six I asked him, what do you think you should do when life feels complicated? Without any hesitation he said, “sit down, think, ask for help.” It is a process for both personal and communal learning that has taught me much.

Yesterday, I walked with my daughter, now 13. It was a “private walk with Dad.” We are vacationing, “holidaying” in Canada with grandparents and cousins. I wanted to make sure we had some time. My daughter so much relished the time. Her life, questions, stories were pouring out of her. We walked among the trees of this little town, Fairmont BC. We went to a favorite place, by a stream. I picked up two small stones. At the end of our walk I gave her one and called it a “truth stone.” It was a simple invitation, a simple symbol to invite our truth telling and witnessing with each other, whenever needed. It was one of those moments when my daughter and I just clicked in a great mix of laughter and seriousness.

Tenneson Woolf
tenneson@berkana.org


Sitting and Thinking photo by funkypancake
This is a Stone by Julio Martinez

I Have Rituals and They Change in the Details of How They Unfold

I have rituals and they change in the details of how they unfold.

I have a morning practice that I do at least 5 or 6 days a week. The goal of the practice is to have some time for moving my body, some time for meditation and some time for written reflection. Having said that, the details depend on the time available. Some mornings I have only 30 minutes and then it gets pretty compressed. Mostly, I like to have an hour. An hour and a half is delightful (although more and more rare). My morning movement varies – mostly yoga stretches. I try to do at least a few minutes of some kind of stretching.

Recently, I was doing the Presence Process by Michael Brown. Doing that work, my meditation takes 30 minutes to an hour which pretty much squeezes out the other aspects. It also has added an evening meditation.

Other rituals – I call my Uncle Walt weekly. He is 91 and living alone in his own house. Actually, I have a ritual about calling all of my family – so I am in touch at least every couple of weeks.

I do intensive exercise – preferably NIA or yoga 2-3 times a week and try to do some exercise daily. Lots of walking.

I now have a ritual of taking an extensive set of supplements in the morning – but that is new in the last six months.

I mix my Alexander restorative rest and a series of healing visualizations.

So, as you can surmise, this all rises and falls depending on the time available. Some days it is very compressed and not all of it happens and occasionally I actually do it all!

Karma Ruder
kruder@ethicalleadership.org

photo source

One Good Thing for Someone Else Every Day

I have two steady rituals: the first is that I begin every day with meditation and prayer for good health, loving family and friends, and opportunities to do good work. I also try to do at least one good thing for someone else every day. The latter began when I was thinking about giving up something for Lent, as I have always done. I thought that that was not doing anything positive for the world, so determined that it would be better to do something good for someone else every day--and then not just for Lent but throughout the year.

Dee Dickinson
www.newhorizons.org


Photo Source

I Take Breaks to Breathe, Rest My Mind and Eyes

Waking and sitting on the porch before I start my day, feeling the air, listening to birds, noticing how I am feeling, setting intention, perhaps drinking a lovely cup of coffee as I awaken to the day.

This continues throughout my day as I am on computer a lot, I take breaks to breathe, rest my mind and eyes, check in....even for just a small moment. Creativity cannot sustain itself well, I have found, without some space...

And of course caring for my dog brings a lot.....walking him a few times a day, I notice how it feels to be in a body that day....brushing him patiently brings me to the present.....giving things to him that makes him happy.

Food is also a great time to feel gratitude and commune with life energy, whether it be cooking, eating, growing food. And any exploration in/with for that matter can bring this opportunity for me.

Finally, most reliably in my day, I have found I need a certain amount of time alone, to do nothing at all. All kinds of things unwind in this space for me.

~ Anonymous


Woman on porch photo
Corn photo

Rituals in the Classroom

• We sing a song called “The Earth is Good to Me” before eating dinner
• I usually eat something small but yummy while I read right before bed
• In the classroom, for group well-being we meet at the start of the day to greet and start our work together
• At the end of yoga we think about our intentions for the day at the end of meditation.
• Saying namaste, thanking each other for practicing yoga together.

A frequent wish of mine over the years is that as a [school] community we would have some rituals together for the well-being of the community, like regular assemblies, singing the school song, etc. An updated version of the old rituals of the pledge of allegiance or patriotic songs. We were trying to think- when do we see ourselves (literally) as a whole community at our school?

~ Anonymous

Photo source

Journaling and then Meditating

For about 10 years I have been journaling every day. It is about a page typewritten. Then I meditate/contemplate for about 20 minutes. This order seems to work better for me than the other way around--perhaps I get the junk out on the page and then can be clearer in the m/c.

For about 6 months I have been attending a Friends meeting, and that is a welcoming and welcome time each First Day, as Quakers say. Now it is interesting to call all this ritual, the Quakers being so plain and not liking the word! But then again, some people think open space has no structure....

I also like to read a lot--mainly spiritual type reading. Just finished John Shelby Spong's A New Christianity For a New World; before that it was Walter Brueggemann's The Prophetic Imagination. These both excited me and reverberated through my life. Of course, Lawrence Thornton's Imagining Argentina, and Peter Block's Community are spiritual books to me!

The big ritual I am working on now is to invite without ceasing.

You may also want to look at www.FootprintsintheWind.com and read the article "12@21" (right hand column) for a romantic kind of ritual.

Doug Germann

photo source

Dinner at the Playground

We eat breakfast together and water the garden in the backyard.

Feeding our hummingbirds.

We hang out our sheets and blankets in the summer and revel in climbing into bed at night.

We go to bed in the evening at a set time during school months and if they are reading a good book no bedtime applies.

Listening to Woodie Guthrie Children's songs while puttering around the house.

Eating Pizza and watching a Baseball Game together at home.

Dinner at the playground. Parents sneak a bottle of Sangiovese.

~Bridge


Hummingbird photo
Pizza and baseball photo

So That My Body and Soul Get Juice

The 3 main rituals I have that are scheduled-type things are...

1. I cuddle with my dogs each morning right when I roll out of bed. I have a meditation space off our bedroom and I go sit on a cushion in there and they join me for belly rubbin and lovin. It's a sweet, gentle, delightful way to start my day. Some days it only lasts 30 seconds and some times we go on for a while.
2. I go to a yoga class 2-3 times a week. I try and pick classes that have a mind/body/spiritual component so that my body and soul get juice.
3. Every Thursday night my girlfriends and I get together. We alternate who makes the plans so sometimes it's a yoga class, happy hour, dinner, movies... having that close knit community of women is incredibly nourishing.
   

Other things that I do to fill me up daily are: laugh, dance, hug and kiss my beautiful mate, and listen to music.

~Cyn

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Casual, Relaxed, Familiar and Energizing - As Rituals Should Be!

I have few rituals but this is one of my favorites. My girlfriend and I have a mutual friend who lives in another country. Every time she comes to Copenhagen we have a ritual. We go to the same restaurant, always eat the same thing, always have the same dessert (banana splits) and just enjoy each other's company. It's casual, relaxed, familiar and energizing - as rituals should be.


~Anonymous

photo source

Wow!! I Do Take Care of Myself With My Rituals

For me… I do a meditation/clearing/intention time each morning consisting of energetically clearing out my house, my office space, and my boyfriend’s house, then putting in white light of the highest vibration into each of these spaces where I spend the most time. Then I call in all helpers/angels etc to assist me for the day (in general and in specific if I am working on something), and then I do the same for my daughter. Sometimes I do it at my altar, other times in bed before I get up.

Currently for the next 2 weeks I am cleaning out my energy field 2x/day after a shaman session I had recently.

I work out 3-4x/week…hike, swim, cardio, weights…

Before I go to sleep I go through the day and get into a space of gratitude for all the things that I enjoyed throughout the day. Occasionally I’ll get to write in my journal.

I have a spiritual book club that I attend 2x/month. I belong to a women’s prosperity circle that we talk 1x/week and do emails during the week to keep our vibration high!

I get Acupuncture (1-2x/month), Massage, Anat Baniel, Chiropractic etc as needed.

WOW!! I do take good care of myself with my rituals!

W.W
Source for Wellbeing


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Sharing New Things Each of Us Learned

Give thanks before every meal, joining hands with all gathered around the table

Bless the car and everyone in it as I begin driving

Bless our daughter, Adonia, each night, cuddle and give thanks for the day and look back at what went well and what could work better another day

Share with each other at supper time what new things each of us learned during that day

Pray/meditate each night before going to sleep, even if just for a short while

Touch in with my husband each evening to get a sense of the next day's flow and how we will weave each of our schedules and rhythms together in mutual support and awareness

Do a cleanse in the spring time -- which includes a yearly wildcrafting of nettles

That's a start for now... wanted to write some down right away before your email scoots too far up in my inbox (another "ritual" I am trying to enact more and more ;-))

~anonymous

Photo Source

Paying Attention to Relationships and Cats

A full account of my own rituals and their history could be a tome in themselves and it's a little daunting to try to share just enough to fit into an email. I'll limit myself to the present and near present, skip a lot of detail and going into why's and wherefore's. You'll see that for me healthy living includes paying attention to relationships.

This morning the clock radio went off at 5:30 p.m. tuned to the CBC radio station with some pleasant classical music. As she does every morning, L said sleepily "Hit the button?" Sometimes it's "Eight minutes?" During this time I slowly come to a sense of the day, the temperature, my urge to cozy down or to get up, what it's like outside, where the cats are - which is usually somewhere on the bed on my feet or in the crook of my knee or between us.

A while later in the kitchen I drink as much water as is comfortable and go into the living room, lay on my back and do some core muscle exercises while stretching my hands over my head. My big cat, Socks Bear, who we have taken to calling Kung Fu Panda, has his own rituals that he performs in a dance with L and me in turn. Cats are very addicted to rituals. Since my hands are out there he butts them and I absent mindedly, since I am concentrating on pulling my stomach in or lifting a leg in the air, grab a front paw or a back paw and tug. He loves it and purrs and pulls until I let go, and there is more of that.

I then move to the cushion for some half lotus Zen sitting. This is the one element that has almost always been present for over three decades. At this point my other cat Diva, who we have called ninja kitty for some time, as well as various babyish names, comes over for her turn. Little Bear heads off to some ritual with L that I haven't inquired into. Diva used to be able to climb into my hands and curl up completely inside them. Now she climbs in, pushes them apart and settles with chin hanging over my forearm and a slight purr. I wonder briefly about attachment to the pleasure of this trust as I concentrate on counting my breaths from one to ten, eyes open. The world of sound/sight /touch fills my senses, stray thoughts come for an instant or longer and pass by as I return to my breathing. I am amazed at the fullness of life. L comes in for her own meditation and then goes in the other room to turn on the TV for the news. I switch to chakra scanning which shuts out the announcer. As I finish - and Diva knows how long it usually is and will be unbearably cute if I meditate too much longer, doing things like standing up, looking me in the eyes and putting a soft paw on my mouth - I lift her to my shoulders and begin to stand. Socks comes over with a mew, and I pick him up in my arms then proceed to do a Zen one step per breath walk into the kitchen with the two of them. He jumps down to see if L will put her breakfast plate down for him and Diva stays on my shoulders fascinated by things I do in the kitchen. Finally I cut up a few green beans I keep in the fridge and bend down so she can jump off then give them to her as a pre-breakfast snack.

L usually leaves 10 or 15 minutes before me and I have insisted on a ritual good-bye kiss so she calls and I come to the door. We exchange a few sentences, often about logistics. Today it's about the rain and how wet it is.

The meditation awareness comes back to me during the day and often I tune to my breathing and notice the widening of awareness and relaxation it brings.

~anonymous

1st cat photo source
2nd cat photo source

Family Rituals Creating a Physical and Emotional Glow

Funny you should ask. This has been a big new (or lots of little new) bit in my life. I have started to meditate 20 minutes every morning. I have dance 1x/week and yoga 1x/week plus I'm wearing a pedometer to help me raise my awareness of my activity level with a goal of 10,000 steps a day. This means at least one walk a day or a number of shorter ones. Good for spring weather.

To engage the whole family in better awareness and care of our bodies, I have used the game-generation approach and we have a Wii Fit board which engages with quite a bit of hilarity, a little competitiveness (I am the mother of two boys, remember, one of whom is a gamer who does not leave his chair.) For the last week every evening before dinner we play together. It has created both a physical and emotional glow.

ALl these things help me separate a bit from my work - so much less blogging and blog reading. It is interesting to see the teeter totter of our life's rhythms.

Nancy White
Photo by Nancy

Sometimes Rituals Turn up. Sometimes They Vanish.

Rituals. Mmh. At certain times in my life, certain rituals turn up. Like meditation in the morning. Sometimes they vanish again. Partly because of a lack of discipline on my part. Partly because of completely mysterious reasons.

Right now, living the pretty scheduled life of a working father, my rituals are (randomly):

• Deep muscular core workout every Tuesday evening
• Anusara-Yoga at Sunday nights
• Singing a good night song to my son three times a week
• Talking my son to sleep. A little ritual I created when Finn couldn't find the gateway to the causal on his own. It's partly progressive muscle relaxation combined with a form of prayer. I always let him decide whether he wants to fall asleep alone or if I should guide him. Finn is 4.5 years old.
• Group meditation (1 hour) and energy work every Thursday night
• Trying hard to drink at least 2 liters of water every day and mostly succeeding
• A cup of strong black coffee in the morning
• Sensual love including oil-massage as regular as possible
• Sitting in a café drinking latte machiato and reading the paper on lonely Sunday mornings

That's it for now. My regular patterns. Rituals in the broad sense. Nonetheless..

Jan Koch
jankoch.email@gmail.com

Tea With My Son When He Gets Home

I have been so busy lately that I've dropped many of my healthy rituals. Not a good time for that!! I've even picked up some unhealthy ones recently (playing that colored lines game too often). It's incredible how tenuous our healthy habits sometimes are. A very good lesson for me, though. I try to "have it all together" all the time, and I need to allow myself to sometimes NOT!
I am also trying to show this part to others more regularly, rather than hide behind the "got it all together" and "doesn't get perturbed" masks.

But in this last week of school this quarter I have been turning back toward the healthy ones more. One that I have never dropped is praying before dinner. We go around the table and say what we are thankful for at that moment. It is a great way to slow down, and approach the meal with more presence, intention, and gratitude.

Another ritual is having oolong tea with my son when he gets home from school in the afternoon. It is a nice way to relax and be present together. We also read together most evenings before bed. This is probably one of my favorite rituals. We are currently reading the Chronicles of Narnia together. We both enjoy fantasy stories, and simply lying in bed together at the end of the day before going to sleep.

I have also been playing squash once a week with someone who is right at my level. We have a real good battle with each other!! I push myself very hard, and have a lot of fun in the process. This is my only regular exercise at the moment, but it's nice to have a regular time to meet with someone else to keep me engaged with it.

Rituals that I am currently interested in including more in my life are: coloring and drawing, recording and contemplating my night-time dreams, sitting meditation, playing piano, and creative visualization.

Michael Byrne
Creating Vitality



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What's Most Needed that I'm Most Ready to Do?

not sure i have any rituals anymore. i meditate on el trains and airplanes. i clear the email inbox once a month or so, if i'm lucky. i keep working on the house, picking my way along rather than pushing for a schedule. i do open space when people ask. i'm slowly reforming my late-night habits so that i get more cozy time with jill in the evenings. i've volunteered as the steward of a piece of riverside nature trail behind our house, so i am thinking about making trash pickup while walking that space a new sort of ritual, i guess. that will be weather dependent. that's sort of how more and more is happening around here, based on the weather, inside and outside. maybe it's ritual giving way to being in it all the time and just doing the thing that i can, whatever i can, os, email, community, carpentry, food, laundry or whatever that is most in need of doing and that i am most ready to do. it's either brilliant or i'm full of it. flip a coin!

Michael

A Beauty Walk Each Morning

I’ve been meeting once a week with a small group of friends as we are all wanting to find more balance in our lives and figure we can support each other in doing so. Each week we commit to one thing that will make a difference for us in the coming week.

Each week so far I have committed to the same thing, as I want to really embed it in my body and psyche as an unbreakable habit. Here’s what it is:

I commit to taking a beauty walk each morning, no matter how short, and most importantly I do NOT open ANY email, or even my computer, in the morning until I have at least stepped outside and taken several breaths of fresh air. That’s the bare minimum, but more usually it is a half hour to an hour and a half walk where I notice all the beauty around me and greet it with gratitude and awe.

Amy Lenzo
Beauty Dialogues
Photo by Amy