Keep Your Love Relationship Alive, Hot and Fun!

My book, “Love From Both Sides – A True Story of Soul Survival and Sacred Sexuality,” tells the story of my husband dying in my arms and “coming back” to chat. Now you may be wondering, and how does that relate to “Rituals for Healthy Living?”

It does, because during my own marriage, I insisted on creating lots of simple rituals. For instance, even though my husband and I were both busy, (Dan was a lawyer and I was a screenwriter), we tried to eat dinner together whenever we could. I cooked, set the table and lit candles. I insisted that we enjoy the small moments. I also insisted that we actually set aside time to “be together.” We made dates to sit on the couch, light a fire, share a glass of wine. We talked, sometimes we even read poetry. In those quiet moments, we remembered why we got married.

And if I was lucky? I got a massage from his wonderful, blacksmith hands, and then we’d make love. And taking time to make “love” a ritual, rather than something that happened at the end of an exhausting day, or worse… something that didn’t happen because we just had no energy left, kept our love alive and the sex hot!

And what was amazing? Even though Dan would sometimes make fun of my fussiness, after he died, he thanked me for insisting that we “honor” what we had together. So ladies? You’ll love my book, because I got an apology! And appreciation. Better late, than never, right?

Creating a sacred ritual of your own might help to keep your love relationship alive, hot and fun! And that in turn will help your own health. (And it might help you lose weight, because you need high levels serotonin to lose weight, and sex is an easy way to get it!) Also according to the new brain research, the more sex you have, the better your brain functions! That’s good news, yes?

So why not start thinking about fun, sexy rituals? According to a wonderful article in the New York Times Sunday Magazine, (1/25/09), what really excites women (and creates lots of beneficial chemicals in her brain) … is being desired by her lover. So maybe dance for your lover… become a goddess, and create a fun sexy ritual that will help you live a healthy life!

~ Stephanie Riseley
www.stephanieriseley.com

Stephanie is participating in the WOW! Women On Writing Blog Tour for her book Love From Both Sides – A True Story of Soul Survival and Sacred Sexuality

The Dog Leads the Rituals

The only healthy rituals that I have are the ones that I'm trying to make into habits--the weekly workouts in the mornings.

Oddly enough, Shadow has enforced the biggest rituals--an evening walk and some kind of morning exercise. He likes for us to get up in the morning no later than 7 a.m., and at night, around 10:00 p.m., he takes a deep breath, scratches the floor underneath him, and throws himself down with a big sigh (his way of saying that he's ready to go to bed, even if we are not). So maybe getting a dog has been one of the healthiest things we have done, and he is the enforcer of our main rituals!

Susan Wyche

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Travel as a Mindfulness Practice

I am heading out on a mammoth trip today. My itinerary looks like this:Monday – drive to Port MacNeil on northern Vancouver Island

Tuesday – Facilitate community to community forum with North Island First Nations and local governments. When finished, drive back to Campbell River and jump on a plane. Fly to Vancouver, then Toronto then Ottawa.

Wednesday – Facilitate workshop in Ottawa with the Canadian Union of Public Employees.

Friday – Finish workshop and return to Vancouver

Saturday – Facilitate one day Open Space for the Ministry of the Attorney-General Family Court Committee. Return home Saturday night.

This is a little unusual for me, in that I usually don’t do a red eye flight across two thirds of the country. I know I will be tired, and I know I need to stay focused on these three jobs and what I am doing. And believe it or not, I woke up this morning deliciously anticipating the journey ahead.

For me, this kind of travel and work is a mindfulness practice. I use these journeys to be very mindful about where I am and what I am doing. Often, when I am en route, I don’t speak to other people at all, preferring to travel in silence, reading, listening to music or podcasts or writing. If I do speak it is only to be polite, get where I am going or ask for help. As a silent meditation I find travelling in this way to be incredible practice, and it brings me to the work I have to do with as much presence as I can. In general I don’t check my emails when I am on the road, preferring instead to give as much attention as I can to the work I have at hand. Fortunately I have my partner Caitlin Frost is back in our office, answering phone calls, sorting logistics with clients and flagging important emails for me. This is an incredible gift as it allows me to be on the road, safe, undivided and present for my clients.

Seeing travel as a meditation retreat for me shows up in many ways. For example I have a few practices I cultivate on a daily basis and being mindful means focusing on doing them in unfamiliar places with limited access to tools. I try to exercise everyday, and have developed several “hotel room” workouts, that can be done between queen sized beds in small roadside motels. These are 20-30 workouts focusing on strength, flexibility and cardio fitness. Of course, access to a weight room or a gym makes this easier, but it isn’t necessary. Sometimes, if I’m driving and I get tired I pull over and go through a circuit of push ups, sit ups and squats or I run through some of my taekwondo patterns to get the blood flowing and energize my body.

Eating is another area that becomes a mindfulness practice. Because it’s so hard to find good and healthy food on the road, I think carefully about everything that enters my body. Instead of defaulting to restaurants, I’ll often stop in to grocery stores and stock up on fresh fruit and vegetables, pre-mixed salads or healthy instant soups that can be made with only boiling water. Travelling does not have to mean bread, oil and potatoes.

Travelling offers several benefits to the emotional side of mindfulness practice as well. It is a rare trip when everything goes according to plan and delays, changes and inconveniences force me to be mindful of my emotional states and to practice equanimity with people, machines and other pieces of reality that are out of my control. Some of my favourite trips have been those which have gone horribly wrong, with missed connections, bad weather and few options. If I come through those with a minimum of anxiety, the journey and the return home seems sweeter for it.

Travel can be stressful because it breaks our routines and rhythms. We need to become completely dependent on our own resources, carrying everything we need with us. It forces us to make careful choices about what we take and what we do on the road. We have to live differently than we do at home and that forces us to pay more attention to what we are doing. THAT alone is a gift, for if we can use the opportunity to focus ourselves and work with our mind, we can not only travel better, but understand ourselves better as well.

Slow down, be careful and attentive and see what you learn about yourself.

~ Chris Corrigan
Originally Posted at Parking Lot

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I Have Rituals and They Change in the Details of How They Unfold

I have rituals and they change in the details of how they unfold.

I have a morning practice that I do at least 5 or 6 days a week. The goal of the practice is to have some time for moving my body, some time for meditation and some time for written reflection. Having said that, the details depend on the time available. Some mornings I have only 30 minutes and then it gets pretty compressed. Mostly, I like to have an hour. An hour and a half is delightful (although more and more rare). My morning movement varies – mostly yoga stretches. I try to do at least a few minutes of some kind of stretching.

Recently, I was doing the Presence Process by Michael Brown. Doing that work, my meditation takes 30 minutes to an hour which pretty much squeezes out the other aspects. It also has added an evening meditation.

Other rituals – I call my Uncle Walt weekly. He is 91 and living alone in his own house. Actually, I have a ritual about calling all of my family – so I am in touch at least every couple of weeks.

I do intensive exercise – preferably NIA or yoga 2-3 times a week and try to do some exercise daily. Lots of walking.

I now have a ritual of taking an extensive set of supplements in the morning – but that is new in the last six months.

I mix my Alexander restorative rest and a series of healing visualizations.

So, as you can surmise, this all rises and falls depending on the time available. Some days it is very compressed and not all of it happens and occasionally I actually do it all!

Karma Ruder
kruder@ethicalleadership.org

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I Deliberately Slow Down My Movements

As soon as I get up each morning I do 10 minutes of whole body stretching flat on my back on the floor to get back into my physical being - if I don't I feel at odds with the world all day, so I almost never miss (unless I'm on a plane, when I still do some limited stretching!)

After that I deliberately slow down my movements by at least half, even or especially if I'm late and in a hurry. That way I gradually tune into the world around me, eg the birds in the trees, the clouds, the plants growing all around me, rather than just into my preoccupations.

I always try to each lunch alone, as I work with people - the solitude is an oasis of soothing peace in the middle of the day - and if I see someone passing who I know I take care to hide my face, knowing I can spend time with THEM later!

Finally, I walk my dog Steve in the evening in the leafy lanes and fields - again I slow down and just allow whatever wants to come to my attention to do so. Steve seems to do the same, and we make good company for each other.....

David Duffy

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I Am Nothing If Not A Person fo Ritual

I am nothing if not a person of rituals. Some of them include morning walks with my dog (now dogs) followed by lots of stretching, enjoying my coffee almost like a religion, praying to God when I go to sleep (for some reason I always remember to do this when I'm traveling but not always at home), try to go to church regularly on Sundays, eating a big breakfast in my room when I'm traveling (always the same thing, too). But you get my drift. I need fewer rituals in my life, not more!

~Becky

Wow!! I Do Take Care of Myself With My Rituals

For me… I do a meditation/clearing/intention time each morning consisting of energetically clearing out my house, my office space, and my boyfriend’s house, then putting in white light of the highest vibration into each of these spaces where I spend the most time. Then I call in all helpers/angels etc to assist me for the day (in general and in specific if I am working on something), and then I do the same for my daughter. Sometimes I do it at my altar, other times in bed before I get up.

Currently for the next 2 weeks I am cleaning out my energy field 2x/day after a shaman session I had recently.

I work out 3-4x/week…hike, swim, cardio, weights…

Before I go to sleep I go through the day and get into a space of gratitude for all the things that I enjoyed throughout the day. Occasionally I’ll get to write in my journal.

I have a spiritual book club that I attend 2x/month. I belong to a women’s prosperity circle that we talk 1x/week and do emails during the week to keep our vibration high!

I get Acupuncture (1-2x/month), Massage, Anat Baniel, Chiropractic etc as needed.

WOW!! I do take good care of myself with my rituals!

W.W
Source for Wellbeing


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Paying Attention to Relationships and Cats

A full account of my own rituals and their history could be a tome in themselves and it's a little daunting to try to share just enough to fit into an email. I'll limit myself to the present and near present, skip a lot of detail and going into why's and wherefore's. You'll see that for me healthy living includes paying attention to relationships.

This morning the clock radio went off at 5:30 p.m. tuned to the CBC radio station with some pleasant classical music. As she does every morning, L said sleepily "Hit the button?" Sometimes it's "Eight minutes?" During this time I slowly come to a sense of the day, the temperature, my urge to cozy down or to get up, what it's like outside, where the cats are - which is usually somewhere on the bed on my feet or in the crook of my knee or between us.

A while later in the kitchen I drink as much water as is comfortable and go into the living room, lay on my back and do some core muscle exercises while stretching my hands over my head. My big cat, Socks Bear, who we have taken to calling Kung Fu Panda, has his own rituals that he performs in a dance with L and me in turn. Cats are very addicted to rituals. Since my hands are out there he butts them and I absent mindedly, since I am concentrating on pulling my stomach in or lifting a leg in the air, grab a front paw or a back paw and tug. He loves it and purrs and pulls until I let go, and there is more of that.

I then move to the cushion for some half lotus Zen sitting. This is the one element that has almost always been present for over three decades. At this point my other cat Diva, who we have called ninja kitty for some time, as well as various babyish names, comes over for her turn. Little Bear heads off to some ritual with L that I haven't inquired into. Diva used to be able to climb into my hands and curl up completely inside them. Now she climbs in, pushes them apart and settles with chin hanging over my forearm and a slight purr. I wonder briefly about attachment to the pleasure of this trust as I concentrate on counting my breaths from one to ten, eyes open. The world of sound/sight /touch fills my senses, stray thoughts come for an instant or longer and pass by as I return to my breathing. I am amazed at the fullness of life. L comes in for her own meditation and then goes in the other room to turn on the TV for the news. I switch to chakra scanning which shuts out the announcer. As I finish - and Diva knows how long it usually is and will be unbearably cute if I meditate too much longer, doing things like standing up, looking me in the eyes and putting a soft paw on my mouth - I lift her to my shoulders and begin to stand. Socks comes over with a mew, and I pick him up in my arms then proceed to do a Zen one step per breath walk into the kitchen with the two of them. He jumps down to see if L will put her breakfast plate down for him and Diva stays on my shoulders fascinated by things I do in the kitchen. Finally I cut up a few green beans I keep in the fridge and bend down so she can jump off then give them to her as a pre-breakfast snack.

L usually leaves 10 or 15 minutes before me and I have insisted on a ritual good-bye kiss so she calls and I come to the door. We exchange a few sentences, often about logistics. Today it's about the rain and how wet it is.

The meditation awareness comes back to me during the day and often I tune to my breathing and notice the widening of awareness and relaxation it brings.

~anonymous

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Centered, Grounded in Purpose and Possibility, Limber and Healthy

My morning ritual:

Before I'm awake enough to talk myself out of it, I do the 5 Tibetan rites. 20 minutes of mediation follow and then, as I take a shower, I say a multi-part affirmation that I began doing in 1986.

The affirmation was really my first experience of meaningful ritual. It grew out of a workshop called The Wall that was offered through Context Trainings, a cousin to Landmark's Forum. I have no idea what prompted me to begin saying my "definition of success" to myself every morning but I did. Through the years, I have added other elements, including a "stand" (I am Reflecting Pool: nurturing wholeness, creating space for limitless learning, nourishing through purpose) and a question (How am I a spark to grow love's capacity in myself, others and the whole? and its recent partner question: How can we call into being our collective soul so that our many storied world can find its way and each of us our roles in it?).

I added the meditation and Tibetan Rites in 2000 following attending Nine Gates Mystery School.

I believe the meditation centers me and the affirmations ground me in my sense of purpose and possibility. The Rites keep me limber and feeling physically healthy.

Anyway, it is a great way to start the day and I can feel it when I don't take the time in the morning.

Peggy Holman
Open Circle Company


Photo is #2 in the 5 Tibetan Rites

Family Rituals Creating a Physical and Emotional Glow

Funny you should ask. This has been a big new (or lots of little new) bit in my life. I have started to meditate 20 minutes every morning. I have dance 1x/week and yoga 1x/week plus I'm wearing a pedometer to help me raise my awareness of my activity level with a goal of 10,000 steps a day. This means at least one walk a day or a number of shorter ones. Good for spring weather.

To engage the whole family in better awareness and care of our bodies, I have used the game-generation approach and we have a Wii Fit board which engages with quite a bit of hilarity, a little competitiveness (I am the mother of two boys, remember, one of whom is a gamer who does not leave his chair.) For the last week every evening before dinner we play together. It has created both a physical and emotional glow.

ALl these things help me separate a bit from my work - so much less blogging and blog reading. It is interesting to see the teeter totter of our life's rhythms.

Nancy White
Photo by Nancy

Sometimes Rituals Turn up. Sometimes They Vanish.

Rituals. Mmh. At certain times in my life, certain rituals turn up. Like meditation in the morning. Sometimes they vanish again. Partly because of a lack of discipline on my part. Partly because of completely mysterious reasons.

Right now, living the pretty scheduled life of a working father, my rituals are (randomly):

• Deep muscular core workout every Tuesday evening
• Anusara-Yoga at Sunday nights
• Singing a good night song to my son three times a week
• Talking my son to sleep. A little ritual I created when Finn couldn't find the gateway to the causal on his own. It's partly progressive muscle relaxation combined with a form of prayer. I always let him decide whether he wants to fall asleep alone or if I should guide him. Finn is 4.5 years old.
• Group meditation (1 hour) and energy work every Thursday night
• Trying hard to drink at least 2 liters of water every day and mostly succeeding
• A cup of strong black coffee in the morning
• Sensual love including oil-massage as regular as possible
• Sitting in a café drinking latte machiato and reading the paper on lonely Sunday mornings

That's it for now. My regular patterns. Rituals in the broad sense. Nonetheless..

Jan Koch
jankoch.email@gmail.com

Tea With My Son When He Gets Home

I have been so busy lately that I've dropped many of my healthy rituals. Not a good time for that!! I've even picked up some unhealthy ones recently (playing that colored lines game too often). It's incredible how tenuous our healthy habits sometimes are. A very good lesson for me, though. I try to "have it all together" all the time, and I need to allow myself to sometimes NOT!
I am also trying to show this part to others more regularly, rather than hide behind the "got it all together" and "doesn't get perturbed" masks.

But in this last week of school this quarter I have been turning back toward the healthy ones more. One that I have never dropped is praying before dinner. We go around the table and say what we are thankful for at that moment. It is a great way to slow down, and approach the meal with more presence, intention, and gratitude.

Another ritual is having oolong tea with my son when he gets home from school in the afternoon. It is a nice way to relax and be present together. We also read together most evenings before bed. This is probably one of my favorite rituals. We are currently reading the Chronicles of Narnia together. We both enjoy fantasy stories, and simply lying in bed together at the end of the day before going to sleep.

I have also been playing squash once a week with someone who is right at my level. We have a real good battle with each other!! I push myself very hard, and have a lot of fun in the process. This is my only regular exercise at the moment, but it's nice to have a regular time to meet with someone else to keep me engaged with it.

Rituals that I am currently interested in including more in my life are: coloring and drawing, recording and contemplating my night-time dreams, sitting meditation, playing piano, and creative visualization.

Michael Byrne
Creating Vitality



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Running and Loving

I run in the woods with my sweet dog Lucy. Usually at some point during the run I am so overwhelmed by love for her that I stop and hug and kiss her.



Kate Dugas
Change Everything

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Ritual as a General Way of Life

In the broadest sense, I see each day and each waking moment as a Ritual - an opportunity to ‘practice the presence’ (allowing spirit to bless each interaction - whether this be between humans or between trees, animals, rocks, angels or any other manifestation of the One Life).

For me, each day upon waking I attempt to remember who I am and where I am and what opportunity awaits me during the new day. I always begin with a cup of hot water and 30 minutes of meditation before heading out on an 8-mile neighborhood run (on weekends year-round I run the local Issaquah Alps or the Cascades in the summer months for 3-4 hours to commune with nature). I’m then ready to open emails and have client meetings or go volunteer my time. Whenever I can, I stop and give thanks during the day for the gifts of life and ask that I be shown where I can be of most service and where my next classroom for personal growth is happening.

Although ritual is a form that brings certain qualities and blessings into a focus, it is now more a general way of life. That’s all for now.


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Exercise Nourishes My Mind, Body and Soul

The ritual that comes to mind most quickly is exercise. I truly believe that regular vigorous exercise nourishes my mind, body and soul. Not only is it wonderful for my body, but it provides me with a mind space that is very hard to find in an otherwise very busy life. The time I spend in the gym is sacrosanct. I place a very high priority on it. It gives me time for myself. It gives me time to think and mull things over when my mind is not distracted by every day stresses. Every day when I leave the gym, I feel ready to deal with all those stresses much more effectively. Exercise also lets me set goals, challenge myself and see progress in a very distinct way. All in all, it's a very important part of my life and writing this down has made me even more aware of that fact. Thanks for making me think about it!

Charles

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